My own psychologist >>>> How to learn to speak - no!

How to learn to speak - no!

Reliability is a good trait loved by almost all people, but in others, and not in ourselves. A reliable person is a good find for an employer, a convenient person for solving other people's problems, a best and reliable friend. But spending your time solving other people's problems can waste time in your own life, so learn to say no!

Not every person can refuse a request to another and not feel awkward at the same time. Psychologists see in the reasons for failure-freeness a feeling of inner self-doubt, provoking a person to do good deeds to raise his own rating.

How to break out of the vicious circle of reliability without making the impression of a callous person, indifferent to the problems of other people?

They usually force a person to comply with a request in several ways:

Referring to a sense of duty,
Pressing on pity,
Using flattery,
By blackmailing public opinion.

If the request for help sounds a hint of a sense of duty, double-check the facts - do you owe this person, if you must - fulfill the request, if you don't have to, then use the phrase: "I would be glad to help, but there is no time for this." At the same time, it is worth remembering that a person cannot take on obligations to fulfill other people's desires.

In requests for help that press on pity, use the phrase: "I am very sorry, but I cannot do this for you, it is beyond my power."

When making requests, well flavored with flattery ("you are the best in such matters"), refuse, using the phrase: "Thank you for the trust you have shown me, but, unfortunately, I cannot justify it."

When you are forced to carry out a case, relying on public opinion, refuse, making arguments in favor of the fact that at the moment the circumstances of your life do not allow you to correspond to high public opinion about you.

Having learned to refuse others, do not overdo it, because it may turn out in the future that a situation will happen to you that requires outside help, and there will be people around you whom you refused in everything. Therefore, refusals must be dosed, commensurate with the cost of your personal time for their implementation and the sustainability of your reputation as a trouble-free person.